Sunday, April 10, 2011
There’s a rumour doing the rounds, or maybe it’s more of an urban myth, that if you consecutively sneeze seven times in a row, you will have a spontaneous orgasm. Now this might have a lot of you reaching for the pepper, but if I sneezed seven times in a row, they’d need a new definition for LBL. Google it people, after three vaginal births, it aint pretty.
OK, so writing about vaginal births is not where I intended to go with this post. No. Rewind.
I wondered the other day, after I sneezed and scared the bejesus out of my workmates, whether I was sneezing right. My sneezes give me absolutely no warning and are shitscaringly LOUD. I usually sneeze once. Twice max.
My only real point of reference is my husband. I know full well he sneezes like a wolf man, often with no warning and wakes our sleeping children so much so, they believe the world is about to end. This could also be, because he sneezes about 6 times in a row. Not the lucky seven unfortunately, so I don’t have a viable subject to ask about the “orgasmic seven sneezes”. Although, let’s be honest, if he was getting off from sneezing, not only would he be buying white pepper by the truckload, he would also have no problem with me securing a new cat.
My best friend Bonnie sneezes three times in a row. Always. I have learnt not to say bless you until she’s done with the third. But hers are small, almost polite sneezes. It's like she’s quietly telling you about something a little unfortunate. Mine sound like they intend to rip the heads of small children. Can I change my ways??
My friend @kj_nash on twitter told me this: I sneeze LOUD. My Husband once 'lost' me in Myer and found his way back after I sneezed. #betterthanaGPS
But back to the original question. Is the Big O achievable from sneezing? Well according to SNOPES the answer is a big fat no. According to 99% of the people who responded to me on Twitter, it was also looking negative.
So back away from the pantry boys and girls, nothing good other than perhaps breaking a rib can come from sneezing too often. I did learn this today though.
A little ditty about Sneezing:
Once – A Wish
Twice – A Kiss
Three times – A letter
Four times – Something better
Wow, guess that means you kids with hay fever are going to win the freaking lotto!!
Oh, and if you haven't already seen this cute sneezing panda baby, you're welcome because I'm about to make your day: